What happens when you...]]> Over time, I have heard from several
people who shared their stories of working with
high maintenance managers (HMM). The most interesting
were from people with family businesses whose
spouse or parent is a HMM. That adds some interesting
implications!

What happens when your HMM has crossed lines with you? Ideally
you want all conflict, especially from situations where
you feel beaten down, to cease. If you have years of
experience working with all kinds of people (including
a few HMMs), you know that striving for conflict
resolution with this type of person can sometimes
be rewarding, and is often frustrating. How far you’re
willing to take the process with this person will
depend on what has defined the person as being a
HMM and your current state of affairs (i.e. your
stress level).

Use the Help of an Advocate

Does your HMM respect (and even fear) someone at
the office? Could that person be your advocate?
This is probably the best alternative for getting
the person to change his or her approach and for
reducing the amount of your stress. This is what
I did – and have done a couple times – and it worked
well. It’s important to try to talk with the HMM
first, before going to the advocate. It is also
helpful if you, the HMM, and the advocate can meet
together. If that is not possible, a discussion
between the two of them while you are absent is
the next best thing.

The advocate needs to know and understand the HMM
from experience and needs to understand the issues
at hand. Be brief and to the point when you update
him or her, giving an executive overview” of the
problem. If they talk together in your absence,
get an update from the advocate, noting the points
discussed, the position taken by the advocate
during their meeting, and the advocate’s perceived
response by the HMM.

Then schedule a new meeting with the HMM, making
certain you are no longer steamed when you meet.
If necessary, schedule a meeting for a few days
later.

Meet With the HMM

Whether you have an advocate or not, you will need
to meet with the HMM. Because HMMs tend to talk
very fast and to think while you are talking
(rather than listen to you), remember to speak
slowly. When you take a turn to talk, count 1 or
2 seconds before you start. Be deliberate.
If necessary, write out notes before the meeting,
bring the notes with you to the meeting, and use
them. Notes will help you stay focused.

Start the conversation by mentioning something
positive. For example, “When I heard that you
were selected to manage the project, I was glad
about that because I knew you were bringing a
lot of experience to the project.”

Don’t back down on the issues. Don’t wimp out.
Don’t make excuses for the HMM. Don’t accept his
or her excuses (you can listen without agreeing).

See where the conversation goes as you discuss your
points. Are you getting any agreement? Is there
evidence that you are being manipulated? Is the
HMM trying to fight with you or is she trying to
solve problems? Can the HMM agree to disagree
with you agreeably? Or does he agree to disagree
in a disagreeable fashion?

Getting Pushback

If you don’t have an advocate, and meeting with
the HMM proves to not help very much, you need
to decide how much you can take. What other types
of changes can you make? At what point does life
become too short to deal with the situation?
Some of us put up with way too much for way too
long. After some time that can really wear you
down, making you susceptible to stress and disease.
Is it really worth it? If not, what can you do
to make a change?

~~~~~~~~~

As of this writing, I’ve come up with 18 bad habits
of high maintenance managers. I’ve had some fun
discussions with people who currently work for a
high maintenance manager and they’ve found
it helps to tell stories and
laugh in order to use the laughter to lower the
stress about their situation.

If you are currently in a work situation with a
HMM, can you find an advocate to help you out?
Will you meet with the HMM to discuss your issues?
Are you getting pushback? In the meantime,
can you discuss it with someone and laugh?

© 2005 Borgeson Consulting, Inc.

Glory Borgeson is a business coach and consultant, and the president of
Borgeson Consulting, Inc. She specializes in working with executives in the
“honeymoon phase” of a new position (typically the first two years)
to coach them to success. Glory is the newly appointed executive’s
Secret Weapon!. Top athletes have a coach; why not you?

Click here for Borgeson Consulting, Inc.

This article was originally published in The Business Express, Borgeson’s
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